Miscellaneous

New York is an interesting place. It makes its own rules and the city is unique in its personality because you can’t find it anywhere else in the world.

It’s 2:30 in the afternoon, legs tired, eyes weary, baby crying, luggage filled with your life back home but the second this poor and tired immigrant family steps out of JFK International Airport it was all worth the struggle. Doesn’t that sound beautiful? This is the optimism of an immigrant that all Americans would love to have. I’m not an immigrant though. I’m just your average New Yorker, sick of the Italian food in Venice because it wasn’t authentic enough.

An immigrant comes to New York City and sees its beauty and alluring nature but I only see two pigeons having sex next to a homeless guy with no legs and a stray dog near the 33^rd street subway entrance.

These are the two faces of New York. On one side you have the dream for a new life, with a twinkle in your eye when you look up and see all of the lights and big buildings. On the other side you think to yourself “so this is what it’s like to live in the most light polluted city in the world?” While you’re looking up, pray to god you’re not in East Harlem because you’ll get mugged too. But through all its ugliness, chaos and fast pace, the City has an eerie sense of order that can only be described as a middle eastern bazaar with rules.

Next time you’re in Penn Station and you’re too lazy to take those massive stairs out of the station, you know the ones I’m talking about, they’re always empty and only an insane person would risk sweating in their suit just to get a leg workout, look at the escalators. The right side is for the people who just enjoy the ride while the left side is for the walkers. Next time you take the subway and you stop the doors from closing just so you and your friends don’t have to wait for the next one, look at the people’s faces. Look at their expressions and notice how much they hate you for being selfish and holding up the subway. This city is chaotic, but somehow, someway, it runs like a well-oiled machine that curses at taxi drivers.

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The make more money, Television Networks have been allotting more ad time to their sponsors, which cuts down on the how long television shows are.

Did you know that television shows are on average seven minutes shorter than they used to be? How upsetting is that? Wouldn’t you much rather get a full 30 minutes of Modern Family instead of only 21? Okay bad example, 21 minutes might be too long for that show to be totally honest but you get the point.

Network executives sell way more ad time to car and deodorant companies than ever before, to line their pockets with cash. That’s all good and fun but give it 15 years or so and we’ll be skipping through the actual show just to watch Colonel Sanders bust a nut for his new chicken recipe.

So, how do marketing teams use the allotted time they have to entice their educated, independent consumers? That was a rhetorical question, so don’t answer it. They will just turn their commercials into 60 second operas. For instance, let’s take those Lincoln car commercials with Matthew McConaughey as an example.

It’s 45 seconds of falling in love with a southern drawl that will make you faint like a girl in a 60s-chick flick and when you watch him drive away your heart breaks. Then it’s five seconds of “Lincoln, buy it because an actor drives our car.”

Say what you want but an in depth and descriptive commercial like that really helps Americans choose what car to drive. By this logic, if you ever take a vacation and need to rent a car, use Hertz because since the 90s O.J Simpson has been using them and who knows more about needing a car on short notice than the Juice.

In today’s quick paced society, nothing can be slow. The rate of TV shows is faster, the pace of commercials is faster, even the news is faster. Literally, natural disasters occur way more often now because marketing teams need to keep their viewers entertained. This is a visible pattern in the modern digital age and by the time all the 20-year-olds are retired and have grand-kids I wouldn’t be surprised if TV shows just incorporated the commercials into their script. Remember this, so when you are old and gray and are watching Family Feud, you can bet that you will see a car being advertised on the show. Oh wait…

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