Equal pay is troubling because I’m frightened of women.
There are few issues in this country today more divisive than the wage gap. Women currently get paid 75 cents for every dollar that a man makes. You hear every day about how women should get paid the same as men for doing the same work, and about how equal pay is not a privilege but a fundamental right. To people that think women deserve the same salaries as men, I pose this very simple question: Why should we pay women equally when I’m still severely afraid of talking to them?
Practically every woman I know believes in Equal Pay for Equal Work. Yet, at the same time, I am violently scare of uttering one word to any of these women. The thought of a woman frightens me and I can’t look at them without significant fear. Men, on the other hand, do not cause me fear. Seems like a black-and-white issue to me.
For those who want only facts and statistics: on average females are less qualified for their jobs than their male counterparts, because I will hire a woman over a man as soon as I see her resume if it means I do not have to interview her. In addition to being less qualified, women are also less professional. They often gossip and cause drama in my office, claiming that I am biased and misogynistic simply because I refuse to speak to them.
I do not make eye contact with women. So what makes you think they deserve to make the money I make?
Additionally, women want to be paid money when they leave work to have a baby. They say that a woman should not have to choose between her income and her child. This argument misses the point: I am also afraid of children. Countries like Finland pay new mothers for up to three months after they give birth, which is downright vexing to me. I am afraid of women and their kids, which are sometimes also women.
Now that I have made my point, I ask you again- If men and women are already equal, how come I cannot talk to women without saying something uncomfortable about their body, or suggesting that we fuck? Women terrify me, and I panic when they get close. Why would paying women equally make me any less afraid of them?
Checkmate, feminists.