People Just Want Their Sports Back. Fair, Fun, Steroid-Fueled Sports.

Life can suck. People need sports to escape reality. That’s why Americans hate cheaters. The one time things are supposed to be fair, it’s not.

America loves balls. Big balls, small balls, oddly shaped balls but not soccer balls though. Soccer balls belong in Europe. Sports is a cornerstone of life in America. For men, it’s a few hours a week they have to themselves, to escape their lives and marital responsibilities. Since the 60s divorce rates in the U.S have risen, exponentially while the popularity of sports has skyrocketed. Coincidence, I don’t think so.

A Wilson Football
This is what a football is supposed to look like

Our lives are so fascinated and encapsulated by sports that we’re willing to watch anything that involves a ball or two. Take this YouTube video, for instance, by “The Slow Mo Guys” who over-inflate a football and soccer ball until they explode. Now at first you may think “who would benefit from watching a couple of guys blow up some ball?”

Drew Brees holding a deflated football on Conan
This is not what a football is supposed to look like

Well, Wilson sporting goods and Riddell football gear would benefit. Recently, people have not been happy with the political climate in this country and can’t even trust the news. People rely on sports to make sense of their lives, to have something faith in a team or person. But ever since deflategate people can’t even trust sports anymore. Thanks Tom Brady.

Companies that specialize in athletic equipment need to show its customers that all their products meet a high standard of quality. Wilson can make a commercial where it shows its customers exactly how much air its balls would need to play a quality game of football. It’s science. For the perfect aerodynamics, a football must maintain a specific amount of air.

Ultimately, the advertisement would feature a “sports scientist” who will test how much air is needed for the perfect ball. The first ball inflated can be too soft, the second ball inflated would pop and the third ball would be just right. Because that’s all people want. Not too soft that it’s unfair to play, not too hard that it will pop like a balloon but filled up just right, exactly like Goldilocks and the three bears except for muscular adults.

 

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