People might call you a cynic. My dearest friends, those people are assholes. You’re simply a
realist, with a world view that some might view as problematic. But I see you, I understand you,
and if I’m being honest, well, I am you.
The hardest part of everything filling you up with an intense and indescribable rage is all the
misunderstanding surrounding you as a person. People might call you jaded or a nihilist, but the
sad truth is everyone else is too stupid to see the world for what it truly is… a pile of crap. So
what’s a person supposed to do when confronted with such accusations? You prove your point
and describe all the ways the world generally sucks.
You can start by talking about the people who don’t stop looking at their phones when you’re talking to them,
the bigots of the world (Just why?), the people who talk too loudly at the movies (Hello, this ticket wasn’t
cheap, so please don’t be that person), the people who walk too slowly in front of you when you’re in a rush
(seriously, these people are a menace), and last but not least, the Twitter trolls (Please, please,
please get a life for everyone’s sanity).
But, the worst part is that it isn’t just the people that make the world a shitty place, it’s
everything. We are the products of our environments after all, so it is natural that everyone
sucks in an extremely general way. Just consider the rising cost of living, train delays, taxes,
starvation, and the infinite amount of horrors in the world. Life is a nightmare, it’s only healthy to
acknowledge that… But sometimes you might start to wonder if it is healthy to acknowledge that
all of the time. Maybe you would be happier if you could just see the silver lining from time to
time. It could be the therapy, or maybe it’s all the people in your life pointing out you’ve become
the living embodiment of the poop emoji. You inevitably start to question your worldview.
All in all, you probably don’t have the worst life on the planet. Maybe conceding that could be a
step in the right direction for — Wait, NO. Forget it! Your sticking to your opinion because you
are always right no matter what. I mean, thinking the world is just one giant black hole has
worked so well for you up to this point. The constant crippling despair is worth holding on to this
belief.
**This is a satire piece, please try to see the good in the world and lead happy lives.