Kesha asks Jerry Seinfeld for a hug, assuming he will be nice and give her one. Unfortunately he doesn’t, insisting that he didn’t know who she was.
Quick recap. Kesha, starstruck by comedy royalty, runs up to Jerry Seinfeld mid-interview and begged him for a hug. A reluctant Seinfeld feverishly refused until the Tik-Tok singer (what recent songs has she had?) walked away embarrassed.
After the whole Kesha debacle, doesn’t Jerry Seinfeld seem like the perfect investor for Shark Tank? He writes one show and is now worth more money than four of the sharks, combined. With the added bonus of the frugal, constantly finding problems in everything, questioning every decision any person makes personality, Seinfeld would be an investing pro. Plus, how could you possibly walk off that show upset when Jerry Seinfeld says no to you?
If it were me, I would purposely pitch the shittiest idea I can think of, just so I can have Seinfeld berate me like a Christian girl dating a Jewish mother’s son. It would probably be shampoo conditioner for the follicle impaired, the pitch line would be “it’s like shampoo but for bald people.”
(Sidebar. Hey Jerry, is everything okay? It’s been over 30 years and I’m legitimately worried that if you keep complaining about everything the doctor will find an ulcer in your stomach. Maybe take some baby aspirin, drink a bottle of wine before bed, maybe eat some chicken at Popeye’s. We worry about you, big guy).
Kesha should be honored. Realistically, getting to live out 10 seconds of a Seinfeld episode is a way better moment to have than an actual hug. I mean, Kesha must have gotten at least 20 calls and 50 texts, from her family alone, just to talk about what that moment. By contrast, if she hugged Jerry, Kesha would be calling her mom to brag only to hear “great, now when are you changing your hair color back to normal?”
And by the way, Kesha, if you’re reading this, Jerry Seinfeld is 60 years old. “Seinfeld” first aired when you were two, he was retired and gone from television even before you wrote your first song. So, the next time you want to run up and get a hug from an elderly man who’s hey-day was the 90s, ask yourself one question, “If a crazy old man ran up to me with pink colored hair and a weird outfit, would I hug him?” If the answer is yes, you might have some soul searching to do.
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