I Don’t Know Fashion, But I Can Respect People Who Do.

H&M storefront

While not everyone understands fashion, let alone know how the color wheel works, there are enough people who do know so the ignorance balances out.

Five women posing
clothing went from being a necessity to a lifestyle choice

I’m a pretty mundane person. I like politics, writing comedy, baking cookies. So when I watch videos on YouTube or shows on

gif about great deals
They Are Fabulous deals

Television, I tend to stay away from reality TV. I can proudly say I genuinely don’t know what Kourtney Kardashian’s voice sounds like. Unfortunately, all of my efforts to avoid killing my brain cells didn’t prepare me for DIY (Do It Yourself) guru and fashion influencer, Amber Schull. With over 850 thousand subscribers on YouTube, Ms. Schull decided to take her fans on a journey through a Local L.A thrift store. After seeing mass reproduced tapestry, which let’s face it, was probably tailored in some Vietnamese factory, Schull couldn’t believe how all-inclusive and culturally diverse the tapestry was! But Just like Schull with the 102-degree L.A weather, “I literally just can’t.”

As other-worldly and weird the fashion and reality style life is to me, I have to admit, Amber Scholl has 855,998 more fans than I do (I’m 98 percent sure that my parents are my fans). Companies shouldn’t overlook this. Clearly people are attracted to pounds of makeup caked faces and elementary school vocabulary, so why couldn’t fashion companies like Tommy Hilfiger, H&M or Gucci capitalize on this! The log-line, “Six girls go on a scavenger hunt to win the ultimate prize, a brand new, pre-released pair of high heel boots.” And before anyone screams “SEXISM!” just make a second commercial but for men. The one who wins would win a Michael Kors Pinstripe suit.

Women bike racing
Just a possible option to make people compete

Naturally, due to the limitations of a commercial, the actions of and escapades of the participants would be severely cut down, turning the ad into a complication of quick camera angles. Because of this, a 3-part online miniseries would be an interesting advertising campaign to follow! Each episode would be five minutes long and the two participants in last place would get knocked off; the third episode being a one-on-one competition. That finale could be anything from improvising an outfit, to applying makeup, to something outrageous like a two-mile bike race. In today’s society, it’s all about viral content and what will catch the eye. As long as the advertisements are eye-catching and entertaining, these companies would have no problem bringing in viewers.

 

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Keep Warm, Even If It’s From A Brain Freeze.

How to get rid of brain freeze.

A brain freeze can be too much for one person to handle. Maybe we should all learn a thing or two about how to keep warm.

patagonia jacket
It’s a Fluffy Patagonia Jacket

Coyote Peterson and his crazy antics are back! But this time he isn’t sticking his hand in a crab’s claw or his penis in

Icicles on a woman's head
this is what happens when you drink something cold

a gofer hole. Peterson is doing his most extreme challenge to date on the Brave Wilderness channel; he’s eating flavored ices until he gets brain freeze. Since August 4, over 2.7 million tuned in to watch this courageous act.

Out of respect, let’s take a moment of silence in hopes that his brain goes back to normal. I mean, he also tried to eat Spam and threw up but I don’t think that was the overarching purpose of the video.

Anyways, I don’t think it takes a genius or wildlife expert to know that eating three pounds of shaved ice will contract your brain muscles and make you feel like you’re dying slowly. That said, in the great words of Friedrich Nietzsche “Most people are stupid.” Maybe it is important to make the world aware of the harmful effects of ice. If there was some way, somehow, someone would be willing to take on that fight.

People exiting an igloo
Just another way to stay warm

Luckily, according to the Supreme Court, corporations are people so, peace out Superman and hello Patagonia, North Face or even Black Diamond. These winter apparel companies could produce ads suggesting ways to fight the different levels of cold. When someone has brain freeze, touch your thumb to the roof of your mouth. If you’re going camping and the wind makes you freeze, build a fire. It’s there’s three feet of snow and it seems like Frosty the Snowman should be coming to life, buy a thick fluffy jacket and other apparel from North Face.

The log-line? “There are different levels of cold, let us show you how to survive them all.”

 

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Customers Can Be Funny, But They Can Also Just Be Mean.

Child Service

Sometimes the way people act can just be plain silly. That’s why businesses would work in sales should exploit that comedy gold.

Man complaining about food
Ugh, What is this? I did not ask for crap on a plate.

1.48 million views just to watch a group of 17-year-old kids re-imagine what a terrible pool party would be like. First off, if I ever had a pool party and found three of my friends peeing in it and another two-people eating soup I would stop associating myself with them let alone kick them out of my pool. Also, who eats soup at a pool party, where are

Child in a shopping cart
Watch out, this kid might cost his mom five dollars for a broken jar of jam

we communist Russia? The only accurate event that occurred in the entire video is the guy trying to get onto the Pizza shaped floaty. Those things are harder to get onto than a horse saddle covered in lubricant.

That said, this video provides a solid concept that could be utilized to ironically advertise certain products. While not presented very well, the underlying idea behind the video was “every pool party ever.” Playing off various stereotypes which can be found at a party. This would work for companies like Walmart, Target or even Macdonald’s; any place that has a diverse group of costumers coming into their store. The logline of the commercial would be “Every type of customer that comes into the store.”

May I take your hate sir?
May I take your hate sir?

For example, the commercial may discuss the customer who has a never-ending list of coupons, holding up the rest of the line. Another customer could be the one who touches all the produce or repeats the same questions over and over again, irritating the employee. An additional situation could show a temper tantrum having child breaking knocking over produce or breaking things while the mom is trying to calm the child while speaking over the phone. I don’t work in this kind of business. I don’t have endless stories of belligerent or less than intelligent customers being obnoxious and disorderly but I know they exist and if they’re even half as ridiculous as how they sound, the commercial would go viral.

 

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Life Is Tough. Why Not Use Some Life-Hacks?

Use paper clips to separate your power cords.

Life can often be difficult; we should develop shortcuts to sidestep the tedious parts of reality. Life hacks are the next step to a better life.

Life Hacks: the ultimate lifestyle of the productive lazy person. Need to be clean for a date but forgot to shower? Get some soap, use a sink, and spray lots of cologne; also known as a bum shower. Need alcohol but not 21? Buy 10 pounds of grapes, wait several months until they rot, naturally ferment the grapes. and then eat them.

A large Swiss Army Knife.
Whatever needs to get done – you can do.

In this video by 5-Minute Crafts, we learn how regular household objects, when utilized efficiently, can help make life easier for us lazy people. Need to clean your silver? What about your headlights, scratched CDs, or sink head? Use toothpaste. Want to fix a wooden surface, or even clean your face? Use tea. I don’t know how that works, but it works.

a man screaming out the window "hack the planet"
Gotta start Life Hacking baby.

Conceptually, an ad about “life-hacks” would work well for companies such as Cutco or Nutribullet. Ever needed to rip something tough in half, or tried feeding an apple to a toddler? It’s impossible without the many usages of Cutco kitchen knives. Think about all the insane things you can do with a knife! You can do anything from cutting a piece of chicken to fixing a toaster. Ever needed to destroy documents, but didn’t have a fire or a shredder? Shove it into the Nutribullet! You can make a nice, cold smoothie while hiding your income tax reports from the IRS.

The Log Line? “Use one thing to do many things. Or don’t, if you want to make life harder.”

 

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BMX Bikes Are a Thing of the Past; Children Bike-Racing is so Much Cooler

BMX Biker doing a trick

While my personal convictions of BMX Bikes may be slanted, there is nothing more adorable than children trying to ride bikes.

A spokeswoman on a Viagra commercil
Girls, it’s not always about you. Make Viagra commercials realistic again.

If you own a BMX bike, all that tells me is that you’re too reckless to get a driver’s license. I don’t care if there is some absurd fact about them like “Did you know that BMX biking helps prevent prostate cancer?” BMX should have come and gone, just like David Spade’s acting career.

While I find BMX biking a thing of the past, the little children in this video, who are having a semi-real BMX race, are the cutest thing I’ve seen since the triplets laughing simultaneously video. How sad is it, though, that the child didn’t finish the race? He lost because he decided to turn around at the very end. This would be a great concept for Viagra or Cialis. The Logline? “Don’t forget to finish.”

Okay, maybe having children in a Viagra commercial may seem a little problematic, but this idea can be implemented using animals to race, or even a classic motorcycle race. Realistically, if this were a motorcycle race, then one of the bikes could run out of gas right at the very end, instead of cluelessly turning around as the child does.

BMX biker doing a trick
You can do that too, if you just believe.

People are tired of seeing the same old commercials of the elderly couple living their happy lives after taking erection pills. Rather than portraying Viagra or Cialis as the cause for endless happiness, brands should try to express a more sympathetic tone. Irrespective of happiness, all men want to be able to do is finish. Whether it’s erectile dysfunction, or just not being the same as you once were, the ad should convey four hours of nothing but your eye on the goal. The finish-line. Not happiness, not a loving spouse, but the ability to finish.

 

 

 

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Makeup Has Many Functions. It May Even Boost A Brand’s Video Campaign.

makeup

Makeup is a trick to fool people into thinking we look different than we actually do. It’s often fun to use, not just for beauty enhancement purposes…

When I saw tropic thunder, in theaters, I couldn’t even recognize Tom Cruise. His makeup was done so well he could have went to synagogue and carried around the Torah during services and no one would have blinked an eye.

Tom Cruise dancing from Tropic Thunder
I still don’t believe that’s Tom Cruise..

To think that this kind of art has only become exponentially more intricate in the last couple decades..? When Star Wars first came out, Darth Vader was the essence of pure evil. Now, looking back, he kind of looks like a guy wearing a Vader Halloween costume.

It isn’t just Hollywood. In this video by Coby Persin, a young man dresses up like a senior citizen and raps with total strangers. He wasn’t even doing a movie; the bystanders actually believed the rapper was an old man (as referenced in the video).

woman putting on old woman makeup
This looks like a before and after meth bender. But it’s not…

This concept has potential to be a great new advertising campaign for companies like Revlon, Olay and L’oreal. We can film various actors wearing “disguises” and see how people react to them in public. In other words, can L’oreal turn a young woman into a rugged man and see how well she can fool others around her office?

In one ad, we can dress up someone like an old man and have them get into a street-rapping competition. In another, we can turn that same actor into a homeless person and have them walk into fancy stores and buy expensive items. When someone questions whether the man has the money for it, he can pull out a large amount of cash and pay for it (being the wealthy actor that he is – in real life). Additionally, in a cross promotional ad, that same actor can denegrate a Discover card because “they treat you, like you treat you.”

Ultimately, the commercial log-line would be something like, “Looks Can Be Deceiving.” Time to pitch makeup companies?

 

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Inhaling Gas Is Like Playing The Honesty Game. But You Can’t Lie.

zombies walking towards the screen

Sometimes the best way to prank or get the truth out of someone is by feeding them nitrous oxide until they don’t know up from down. 

Baby wearing a gas mask
No babies were harmed in the making of this picture

It turns out I don’t have to get my wisdom teeth removed. How smart can wisdom teeth really be that dentists need to rip them out of you. Seems pretty dumb to be honest. Regardless, the only good aspect of getting your wisdom teeth removed, besides possibly dying from a mouth infection if they stay in, are the effects nitrous oxide has on you, post operation.

In this video, which received more than 23 million views, two brothers pull a prank on their poor sister Millicent who, while high from the gas, legitimately believed that there is a zombie apocalypse. As funny as this video is, I feel bad for Milly. If she didn’t have messed up teeth she wouldn’t have gotten into this mess.

That’s a good concept to build upon for companies like Colgate and Listerine. “Tell us the Truth.”

The Truth will set you free. But first it will piss you off.
It will just a little bit.

An interviewer would go to a sedated patient in a doctor’s office. The interviewer will ask the patient questions about themselves in hopes of revealing hidden secrets or truths. A question posed could be “Have you ever blamed someone else for a fart you made?” or “Name us all the drugs you’ve ever done?”

The logline? “Don’t let your friends learn all your secrets. Brush your teeth and clean your mouth so hopefully you’ll never have to be interrogated while hallucinating.” Remember that time you accidentally urinated on a cop car? Or the time you drunk called your ex? Well, those stories can stay with you if you just keep good hygiene. And if you still don’t believe me, next time you walk through a major city, talk to a homeless person. The less teeth they have, the more open they’ll be about their heroin addiction. In other words, keep your teeth clean or you’ll end up doing heroin and tell everyone around you your life story.

 

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Fun Fact, 25 States Have A Town Called Springfield.

100 random fun facts

Fun facts are very popular and interesting but can sometimes get annoying. What if they were put to good use and not just conversation starters?

Did you know there is an island in the Bahamas called Pig Beach because it is entirely populated by wild, swimming, pigs? True story. Would you believe me if I told you that Salvador Dali would get out of paying for meals by drawing on the checks, turning them into art, thus becoming un-cashable? It’s a pretty dick move but it’s a better idea than starting a fight and getting kicked out of the place forever.

In this video by “Bright Side,” we learn about 19 interesting facts that are seemingly fake but aren’t. For instance, did you know it’s illegal to own a catapult in Aspen Colorado? You can look it up if you want.

Kumail Nanjiani Standing in front of a yellow background with the words "Fun Fact" flashing
Fun Fact With Kumail Nanjiani

Fun facts are powerful weapons. They can save lives from shark attacks but can turn you into a social outcast at any party you attend. Let me explain. If you tell someone about to go to Australia to punch a shark in the gills if it tries to attack, you might have just saved a life. On the other hand, if you tell a group of people that a crocodile can’t stick its tongue out, the group will try to kidnap you and stick you head in a crocodile’s mouth to see if you’re telling the truth.

List of ways to tell how a cat feels
Ways to Understand Cats

A slideshow advertisement for companies like Snapple and Nestle would go viral using this concept. Snapple, being a drink known for its fun facts should demonstrate just how many there are in this world while Nestle could bring childish jokes on its Laffy Taffy candy using all of these ideas. As maddening as one-liners can be if Nestle puts out a two minutes commercial firing off one-liners like they’re semi-automatics, there is no way it will go unnoticed.

The concept? “How many jokes/ fun facts can be said in 60 seconds?”

 

 

 

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The Chicken Is So Good It Has To Be Out Of This World

The Eye at the top of the pyramid on the dollar.

Recently, conspiracy theories have gained tremendous popularity on social media. Although, some are more ridiculous than others.

Colonel Sanders
Colonel Sanders….mmmmmm

Roswell, the moon landing, Disney; what do these three things have in common? They are all conspiracy theories. Recently, there has been a massive wave of conspiracy theorists on YouTube who influence people’s thoughts using the most trivial information and making it sound important. How strange is it that people are willing to believe anything? In the wrong hands, the ability to convince people of these crazy ideas is pretty powerful.

The climate change conspiracy is what causes political tensions and the flat earth theory gives Neil Degrasse Tyson aneurysms. Think what you want but know there are scientists out there who die inside every time someone questions the moon landing.

Fried Chicken
Looks so good, it’s out of this world.

This video from ‘Watch Mojo’ has gotten over 13 million views, just from telling people about old conspiracies. What if we came up with a new one? What if, Popeye’s, Chick-Fil-A, or KFC “knew for a fact” that the only reason why their food is so good is because aliens came down and taught the company founder how to do it?

Jimmy Neutron Chicken Alien
Maybe the aliens knew how to make chicken so well because they were Giant Chickens.

Before Popeye’s became the giant fried chicken chain it is today, its founder Al Copeland Sr. had a restaurant called Chicken on the Run in New Orleans. New Orleans style chicken has Cajun origins. Cajuns are descendants of French-Canadians. When the Acadians were kicked out of Canada after the Seven Years’ War, they had to travel down south and re-established themselves in modern day Louisiana. On the way, the French-Canadians blended in with the culture of Native Americans and learned how to make the most delicious food on God’s green earth. How did the Native Americans learn to cook so well? Aliens.  They encountered Aliens who taught them how to mix and match their spices to create an otherworldly taste.

In short, because Cajuns learned from Native Americans who learned from Aliens, Popeye’s Louisiana Kitchen recipe is “Out of This World.” Wouldn’t this be a fun animation to create?

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People Just Want Their Sports Back. Fair, Fun, Steroid-Fueled Sports.

A Football that blew up or ripped in half

Life can suck. People need sports to escape reality. That’s why Americans hate cheaters. The one time things are supposed to be fair, it’s not.

America loves balls. Big balls, small balls, oddly shaped balls but not soccer balls though. Soccer balls belong in Europe. Sports is a cornerstone of life in America. For men, it’s a few hours a week they have to themselves, to escape their lives and marital responsibilities. Since the 60s divorce rates in the U.S have risen, exponentially while the popularity of sports has skyrocketed. Coincidence, I don’t think so.

A Wilson Football
This is what a football is supposed to look like

Our lives are so fascinated and encapsulated by sports that we’re willing to watch anything that involves a ball or two. Take this YouTube video, for instance, by “The Slow Mo Guys” who over-inflate a football and soccer ball until they explode. Now at first you may think “who would benefit from watching a couple of guys blow up some ball?”

Drew Brees holding a deflated football on Conan
This is not what a football is supposed to look like

Well, Wilson sporting goods and Riddell football gear would benefit. Recently, people have not been happy with the political climate in this country and can’t even trust the news. People rely on sports to make sense of their lives, to have something faith in a team or person. But ever since deflategate people can’t even trust sports anymore. Thanks Tom Brady.

Companies that specialize in athletic equipment need to show its customers that all their products meet a high standard of quality. Wilson can make a commercial where it shows its customers exactly how much air its balls would need to play a quality game of football. It’s science. For the perfect aerodynamics, a football must maintain a specific amount of air.

Ultimately, the advertisement would feature a “sports scientist” who will test how much air is needed for the perfect ball. The first ball inflated can be too soft, the second ball inflated would pop and the third ball would be just right. Because that’s all people want. Not too soft that it’s unfair to play, not too hard that it will pop like a balloon but filled up just right, exactly like Goldilocks and the three bears except for muscular adults.

 

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